From Broken-Down to Buddha

Emily earned a Masters in Education at Columbia University.  She has a Bachelors in English from Rutgers University and has a CPRP (Certified Psychiatric Rehabilitation Practitioner) Credential awarded by the Psychiatric Rehabilitation Association. Additionally, Emily has been trained through a program conducted by the Mental Health Association in NJ called Consumer Connections, to work with those who are struggling with mental illness. This is her story of "break-down to Buddha"...

From Broken-Down to Buddha

Nine years ago, my life was in shambles.  I had been kicked out of my parents house and had to live in residential housing for those with mental illness.  It was a terrible situation, living with people much sicker than I was, and much older, too.  While I wanted to go out and enjoy life, they would sit at home, mumbling to themselves in front of the TV.  My life had hit an all-time low, and I wanted more for myself.  Although this was an extremely difficult period of my life, I was motivated to get out of there, and did so within 3 months. 

Once I was living with healthier roommates my own age and working, I had this overwhelming feeling of "now what?"  I knew that I wanted to be a teacher, and on a whim, I applied to Columbia University's Teachers College.  And I got in.  But, I kept losing jobs due to my illness symptoms flaring up.  How could I justify taking out a loan when I didn't know if I'd ever be able to hold a job long enough to pay it back?  Well, I took a risk, and went, knowing in my heart that it was the right thing to do for me, and went to Columbia. 

The outcome?  Amazing, but not for the reason that I expected.  While in graduate school, I met a couple of friends who were Buddhist.  One in particular, Gonzalo, really took me under his wing, and exposed me to Nichiren Buddhism. I had always been curious about Buddhism, but was really cautious.  What would my parents think if I changed religions?  Was this a legitimate religion, or was I getting involved in some Buddhist cult?  But, the more that I learned about Nichiren Buddhism, and the more I chanted the special chant, Namyohorengekyo, which loosely translated means "devotion to the mystic law of cause and effect through sound," the better my life got.  I now had a practice to help me center myself and manage my bipolar symptoms, which included mania, panic attacks, delusional thinking, and deep depression.  I didn't have to give up my Jewish faith- to this day, I still practice all of the holidays and traditions, just like my ancestors did.  But, most importantly, I saw actual proof, and benefit in my daily life when I chanted. 

From the time that I started chanting to now, I have never had to struggle to have a roof over my head, never had to struggle to find or keep employment, and my symptoms of bipolar are totally manageable, if not mostly gone.  My father and mother are now completely supportive, and have even remarked that this is the kindest and most compassionate that they've ever seen me be.  And, for once I can say that I love my life!  I have a community of supporters through my buddhist community that are some of the best people that I've ever known. 

But, most importantly, I have a life philosophy that works for me.  One of the things that we talk about in buddhism is how obstacles are there to help one "polish their inner diamond" and become enlightened.  Think about it- a diamond cannot be shiny without rough sandpaper to shine it.  Likewise, our lives cannot fully shine without the "rough sandpaper" of obstacles to challenge us to grow.  I learned that we all have a buddha inside of our lives just waiting to come out, and chanting helps me bring out my "inner buddha."  And, I learned that my break-down (or series of break-downs) set me on the path towards enlightenment, which makes it all worthwhile. 

Be Well

~Emily