Jennifer L. Myers is author of the blog, Buddhism and Women's Empowerment. Jennifer earned her masters in Urban and Environmental Policy from Tufts
University and her undergraduate from UC Santa Cruz. She has experience working
with the U.S. Peace corps in the Dominic Republic, environmental non-profits,
and teaching. Currently, she has now published her memoir, Never Give Up: Buddhism,Family, & Schizophrenia. The following is her experience...
When I was first diagnosed with
schizophrenia in 2002 I had already been practicing Buddhism with the SGI (Soka
Gakkai International) for 14 years. Still, I didn't have a very strong practice
at the time. I attended local discussion meetings regularly, but I didn't spend
much time chanting on a daily basis. It wasn't until the symptoms of
schizophrenia - the voices whispering in my head, the screaming and yelling I
heard outside my apartment, the feeling that I was constantly being watched and
followed, the incessant fear and paranoia – grew unbearable and took over my
life that I really began to strengthen my Buddhism practice by chanting
consistently every day.
I
was at a point in my life where I felt like I couldn't explain how I felt or
what I was really thinking to anyone who would understand. I kept everything to
myself because nothing that I believed made sense. I decided to focus on
chanting my Buddhist chant and hoped that therein I would find the resolution
to my problem. This was over three years ago. While I still deal with symptoms
of schizophrenia every day, I have learned how to manage the symptoms so that
they no longer have power over me. Buddhism gave me the courage to challenge
the negativity in my life, to believe in myself and to fight against my own
negativity as well as the evil in my environment manifested as symptoms of
schizophrenia.
When I chant, I repeat the phrase Nam Myoho
Renge Kyo (literally: devotion to the mystic law of cause and effect
through sound and vibration) over and over, rhythmically and sonorously. This
is a fundamental part of my Buddhist practice. I make sure to chant at least
one hour every day, and I recite the morning prayers as well as the evening
prayers. I also attend local discussion meetings once a week and I have
recently started supporting the elementary school youth group, much to my great
fortune. I read daily encouragement over breakfast every morning to start my
day off on a positive note. All of these activities that comprise my Buddhist
practice, along with the encouragement from fellow Buddhists have provided me
with the hope, courage, and perseverance to never give up in the battle against
my own negativity and the devilish functions that are present in my life.
Without my Buddhist practice, I would have given up the fight years ago and
probably would not be alive to see the light of day.
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